Nefarious Plans

Dear Erin...

2007-01-30T22:48:00.001-08:00

For those of you who are not aware of the Maria Bartiromo Scandal should read about it here.

Every morning I wake up early and watch Erin Burnett on CNBC. I waiver between lust for her beauty and awe at her knowledge of the financial markets.

I would like to let Erin Burnett know that in the light of her coworker's issues that she should feel comfortable dating me. I can assure you Erin that I am not currently employed by any Fortune 500 company which would create a conflict of interest like Ms. Bartiromo has experienced, in fact I am not even employed.
Additionaly, there would not be any issue if we decide to spend a weekend away on my private jet because I dont have access to a corparate jet. I have some frequent flier miles saved up on Southwest Airlines but I don't think I have enough for a round trip ticket. So we may have to drive home.
I know Ms. Bartiromo also caught some flack for rubbing elbows with too many corporate CEOs and people felt it would affect her journalistic integrity. While I am an excellent cook, most of my dinner guests are not likely to impeach your journalistic integrity because of their affiliations with blue chip companies. The only threat to your journalistic integrity might be an unfortunate enounter with some Gasoline Margharita's(see prior post on margh's).
Erin, when you are done rubbing elbows with the members of Manhattan's high society give me a call. I assure you that I will not climb the rungs of any corporate ladders. In fact, I can say with some certainty that I will either be bumming on the ski hill, drinking in my hot tub or sitting around in my awesome zubaz pants.
I look forward to hearing from you,
NITKA!

Are you That Guy?

2007-01-29T17:10:00.001-08:00

About a year and a half ago, my friend Nick and I were sitting at a Cafe in Vienna and Nick posed the question, "Do you ever feel like you are that guy?" Quizzically I asked what he meant and he replied, "Well, you know that guy that is just sort of always out there but never settles down. While all your friends are getting married and having kids and settling down in the suburbs, you are that guy who is still living the wild college party lifestyle. You know, That Guy." As we sat and watched the people wander down the streets of Venice and I drank my fourth beer of the afternoon, I thought, "Maybe I am that guy, I did after all skip my friends wedding to tour Europe, I remain single...still." I then wondered if there was anything 'wrong' with being that guy or if people ever stop being that guy. More importantly I wonder if there is a finite number of people who can be that guy. Certainly each social group has that guy but can there be more than one? Pop Culture seems to love that guy. You Me & Dupree is the most recent and best instance of that guy but Frank the Tank from Old School and that ABC show What About Brian also seem to be about that guy. Then there are the cases of guys who seem to fall in a gray area like James Spader's character on Boston Legal. He has a serious job but also a rather unconventional social life and home life. The only respite seems to be those who fall into that guy character do so because they are great slackers or unbelievable driven. I will not begin to pontificate on the merits of one or the other or which camp I fall into.

Fun Pictures of the Day

2007-01-17T15:31:00.000-08:00

For those of you who dont know the Dick in a Box song must go see the music video featuring Justin Timberlake

OK now everyone on the same page? Great now enjoy photo fun of my friend Paul and Justin Timberlake. Hint: Paul is the one on the left with the dick in the box costume. I get a certain amount of glee from moments like this.

Warm Woolen Mittens and Monkey in People Clothes

2007-01-15T16:29:00.000-08:00

One of my all time favorite things is Monkeys in People Clothes. I think the funniest commercials of all time are the Career Builder Monkey Commercials. Over Christmas we had some family friends from Chicago to the house in Park City. One of our guests is getting her PhD in Monkeys. Its a PhD in something very important sounding but it boils down to she knows a lot about monkeys. After a few beers and a few cocktails, I mentioned my love of Monkey in People clothes. She was aghast, how dare I appreciate Monkey in People Clothes and rather lengthy PETA inspired speech spewed forth about the abuse and trauma suffered by monkey in people clothes. She summed it all up by saying we must respect the monkey and not mock monkeys. I told her i did respect monkeys because they will kick your ass if you don’t. Monkeys have crazy feral strength and a small monkey can easily crush your head with out even trying. This led to my pontification that perhaps there is a future in Monkey Boxing. At this point the monkey expert was just pissed and stopped talking as I pontificated on Monkeys dressed in little boxer shorts and monkey boxing gloves. Unfortunately the Thai's have beat me to it as evidenced by the following video featuring monkey ring girl. Also I would be remiss if I did not include the Monkey Karate too.
After my ludicrous discussion of monkey boxing and other monkey related sports, my sister piped up, "Quite acting like you know anything about monkies, what do you know about the monkeys, she’s the expert not you."
"I responded, you know what I know about monkeys, Monkeys love to smoke and drink and that is alright by me."
Well now the whole table thought I was insane and the looked at me and said, "That’s ridiculous."
I just looked at the monkey expert and said, "Tell them the truth."
Dejected she sighed, "It’s true, Monkeys love to smoke and drink beer and if you give them even one cigarette they are hooked for life."
Here is some wiki-ality on the subject. Where they learn, Getting them to quit and drink beer

Thou Shalt Go Forth and Blow yer Mind

2007-01-12T13:24:00.000-08:00

Arborsmithing- I have no definition nor any idea how this madness is achieved. All I can say is check these links yo:
http://pruned.blogspot.com/2005/06/axel-erlandson-and-tree-circus.html
http://treedome.com/bilder.htm
http://www.arborsmith.com/

Thats all I got for you.

BOYCOTT AT&T and SBC

2006-12-07T12:14:00.000-08:00

My belief on the free market system we have is that companies should be given rather wide lattitude in the products and services they offer consumers. Consumers, in return should be able to make whatever choice they want in choosing a product or service. Hence, I maintain a list of Companies that I will never buy a product or service from again. Past winners of this distinction include:
Chevrolet- for having salespeople that blatantly lied to me, tried to pressure me into buying a car and then tried to sell me a different car than the one I wanted to buy. The make shitty cars anyway so there is no loss there.
Jack Daniel's- though its not their fault but just smelling JD makes me want to vomit after a long night of Jack and Cokes.
Coors- Because I hate Pete Coors. Which is too bad because I kind of liked Blue Moon but I must stick to my convictions.
Airlines Generally- I am a total sophist with airlines, I travel enough that I need to use them but I hate airlines on a rotating basis depending on which one wronged me last.

Then there are the companies I will always do business with.
Toyota/MiniCooper- Great Cars and nice people.
Budweiser- I met August Busch working for the Bears, he seemed like a nice guy and I like their beer, alot.
There are more.
Verizon-surprisingly consistent, good phone service and nice/helpful staff.

Finally that group you have to use but secretly hate.
Newscorp- Rupert Murdoch is a bad man, Myspace is so good.
Comcast- they are worthless in every way but often the only way to get cable/internet.

Well now I have a problem because I signed up with SBC, expecting better service than Comcast and I now wish I had gone with Comcast and their questionable customer service because SBC/AT&T is one nightmare after another. Whether they are providing inconsistent internet service, or bad phone support, or most recently adding outrageous charges to my bill, I say go fuck yourself AT&T / SBC. I recommend anyone looking for internet/phone service avoid these people. If anyone has any non-comcast / non At&T broadband providers, I am all ears.

They Found Me

2006-11-29T23:38:00.000-08:00

After all this time trying to escape the spammers, they found me once again. Check out the comment associated with my vacation posting. I guess like porn, photoshopped images of celebs and forwarded emails, the spammers are totally incholcated into this magical myster tour of the internet.

By the way, this officially means I am no longer on vacation. Resume regular posting now...

Vacation Delay

2006-11-20T11:34:00.000-08:00

Hey all,
No new posts until probably Wednesday. I was out of town from Thurs through Monday for a Moot Court Competition in Chicago. Now I am moving out of my house and probably wont have internet access until Mid week. Cheers!

New Post

2006-11-17T08:22:00.000-08:00

The new post for today is down a few lines it is titled. Following Up - Music I Know Mr. Zar will hate. I wrote it Sunday night. I guess this systems posts things based on when it is written not when it is posted. This will not be the last time this happens.

Skull-duggery

2006-11-15T16:08:00.000-08:00

A quick post today but well worth the time. Check this out. Can you find the skulls? Lean back from your chair and sort of unfocus your eyes. Each photo should look like a large skull looking back at you.

The Savage Misfortune of Mr. Santorum's Sortie

2006-11-13T01:55:00.001-08:00

I am ever glad that the Dems took control of the house. I was getting rather sick of hearing the 'Pub party line each night on the news. I am not optimistic that the Dems will turn things around or make it all rosey but as long as they dont build any bridges to nowhere or start any new wars, things should be better. Though Nancy Pelosi still freaks me out a bit.
Happily, Rick Santorum was ousted from office which means one of the bad guys is gone and replaced with someone better, though Bob Casey is no peach. One of the nice things about M. Santorom was that he constantly said hateful things about everyone who was not exactly like him which generated outrage against the Republicans. I like outrage. Also, Mr. Santorum's name took on a special significance as a synonym for something terrible. I learned of this synonym while in Seattle, reading a Savage Love column in The Stranger. Savage Love is amusing and I think Dan Savage is a very funny and prescient columnist, especially in the light of the special legacy he gave M. Santorum.
Though, I wonder if Santorum will remain ever Santorum with its entomolgy fleeting into the ether of human history, or will Santorum be renamed? I will leave that delicate issue to Dan Savage. I am personally going to go sit in the shower for awhile all this talk of Santorum is making me feel dirty.

Following Up - Music I know Mr. Zar will hate.

2006-11-12T17:21:00.000-08:00

In a follow up to yesterday's post about my musical preferences. I have lately been listening to The TeddyBears, a band I know at least one of my friends will hate. The album features a drum machine, cliche crunchy guitars and simple chorus heavy lyrics. Why do I like it? Well it is really awesome music for the gym, running, and driving fast. As a niche album, this band has done an excellent job.
Now some music Mr. Zar may enjoy:
I have also been listening to The Thermals new album. If you like lo-fi sounding punk rock with poppy hooks and solid lyrics give them a listen.
Another Rockband I like is Birdmonster. They also have a really good blog. If you want to hear about the odd goings on of an indi-rock band traveling the country in a van. Read their blog here. I particularly enjoyed the story of meeting the neo-nazi gas station attendant in Cleveland.
I just got the new album from The Sounds. If you like Garbage, The Donnas or The Cardigans (circa GranTurismo, btw I am still in love with Nina) give these swedes a listen. Quality Hot Chick singer and solid electro/guitar hooks.
Finally, many of my friends loved The Arcade Fire's album. If you want more quirky multi-instrument bands with a very full, phil-spectre-wall-of-sound-esque sound to them, check out: The Decemberists, Broken Social Scene, or Of Montreal By the way, the new Decemberists album, The Crane Wife is awesome!

As I find cool new music, I will share it hear. As always feel free to share your choices.

One thing I do well

2006-11-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I am one of the greatest listeners of music used in commericials. With regularity, I watch TV and hear a song I like associated with a commercial. It would be one thing, if I listened to a lot of Britney Spears, Bob Dylan and Rolling Stones. Instead here is a list based on watching Football today on Fox, NBC, CBS.
1. Outback Steakhouse - Of Montreal - Wraith Pinned to the Mist - though the lyrics are different and they added some sweet didgeridoo for the commercial. "Lets pretend we dont exist" to "Lets Go Outback Tonight" Info Here.
2. NFL Genereal Commercial - The Teddy Bears - Cobrastyle
3. Cadillac - The Teddy Bears ft. Iggy Pop - Punk Rocker
4. WellsFargo - RJD2 - Chicken Bone Circuit
5. Carnival Cruises - Iggy Pop - Lust for Life - I wonder if they care they are using a song about cocaine.

Anyone can listen to obscure, obtuse music with no chorus. I suppose the skill in discussion is that I prefer to listen to normal sounding music that has not hit the radio, or more often to have in rotation the music that everyone has heard but doesnt know the name of the band. I remeber listening to a segment on NPR a while back about how advertising firms have some highly paid employees, whose sole job is to find songs that are under the radar with an appropriatly catchy sound. I wonder if they are hiring.

Throw some of your picks that fit theme in the comments section.

It's like coming out, but with more judgement and less support

2006-11-12T04:12:00.000-08:00

So I have invited a certain group of friends to read this blog-o-rific-ness and I appreciate those who do check in from time to time. I am wondering, who else to share this little internet delight with. Hopefully, I will post something relevant on here that makes the rounds on the internet, though I don't expect that to be anytime soon. Needless to say, this is a very unfiltered forum for undistilled dropping direct from NITKA's brain and into the ether of the 'net. I don't plan on sharing this with my parents lest they discover my predeliction for bizzaro porn,my mildly misogamistic leanings and delight in the suffering of others. With that in mind, my sisters probably will not recieve an invite either. This blog is also written with a certain reaction to my present interactions. At the same time, there is significant time shifting so any post's reference to a time period is not one hundred percent dependable. Nonetheless, I will be writing a fair amount about my Sacramento interactions, I wonder which of my Sacramento friends to invite, I worry would they derive a distaste for my writing about our interactions for all the world to see. I should also mention that should I visit any of you, ohh fantabulious readers, you are also fair game for inclusion in this experiment. As a matter of rhetoric, who should I invite. As a matter of pragmatism, feel free to share with those who would enjoy a good read every now and again.

A Note on Quantity

2006-11-12T04:03:00.000-08:00

My friend has a blog. Actually, its a really solid blog, called pixelnomad. It is among the many blogs which inspire this internet fiasco. One of the problems with pixelnomad is the infrequency of the updates. It is one well written post every week or so. I strive to post more frequently but at the same time I dont want to sacrifice the quality of what is posted. I also dont want to post 25 times in the first week and run out of worthwhile posts. I actually have about 12-15 posts in my head presently but I plan on doling them out on a daily basis. My goal is to write a blog that people can check everyother day or so and read one or two enjoyable posts and then continue with their day. Let me know how you feel about this.

How to Beat a Parking Ticket

2006-11-10T22:18:00.000-08:00

Who I am: I worked as an Administrative Adjudicator for the City of Sacramento for several months while in law school. An AA is the judge who hears the first level of appeals in parking tickets. Since working as an AA, I have had several tickets overturned and I have helped many friends, beat their tickets. I hope this info helps you successfully appeal your parking citation.

How to beat a parking ticket

Dont get a Ticket: It may seem obvious but lots of time and energy can be saved if you take a little bit of effort to avoid getting a ticket in the first place. When you get out of your car take a moment to look around and read the signs. Make sure based on the meaning of the signage that parking is allowed when you are there.

Holidays: Be aware of which days count as holidays. Just because your company is closed for Simcha Torah, it does not mean the city recognizes Simcha Torah as an official holiday. Also parking is a city matter so state and federal holidays are irrelevant, it is only those holidays recognized by the city.
Time: If you are parking in an area which has a time limit, don’t park in the spot near the beginning or end of the time limit. For example, if you are in an area where the parking meters turn off at 6pm. I guarantee that the meter maids will check the meters between 5.45 and 6pm. If you park there and it is 5.55pm, feed the meter because there is a strong chance the meter maid will be there in the next 5 minutes. If it is 5pm, don’t put in 45minutes and hope they don’t check the last 15minutes. The city is smart and they know when and where they get the most violations.

Once you get a ticket: So you got a ticket, such is life. The first thing you should think is that meter maids make like $9/hour and they probably didn’t graduate highschool.

Check the ticket: Following in the metermaids are not genius’s look at the ticket. Make sure it is filled out correctly. Make sure the car liscence plate, VIN and time are all proper. If parking is allowed after 5pm and the ticket says 5.02pm. you win. If the ticket is made out for a different car, you win. One caveat, it must be a totally different car, wrong VIN, license, color, etc. If you drive a Blue BMW and the ticket says black, sorry you lose because it is not a defect sufficient to defeat the ticket.
Check the statute: On the ticket it will list the statute under which you are cited. It will be either a check box or a strange set of numbers. In order to check the statute, you will have to look up the statute, check online. Though surprisingly few cities have their city codes online. Three sources to find the statute either: call the city code enforcement division and talk to them about getting a copy of the statute, go to the local library, or go to a local law school library.

Reading Statutes: This step will require you to play a bit of Matlock. Generally parking statutes, are pretty easy to read. What you are looking for is if there are any excuses available to you.

Notice Statutes: Notice Statutes require the city to give notice to the population in order to enforce the citations. Commonly, handicapped spots, crosswalks and loading zones require notice. In Sacramento, the statute for a handicapped spot requires the city to provide two of three of the following types of notice, a painted curb, a sign above the parking space and a sign painted on the ground. If the space you parked in only had a painted curb, you win. Similarly, the crosswalk statute requires either a painted curb or visible white lines. Notice the us of the word or. It means one of the things must exist. If none of those things exist you win.
Visibility: Sometimes, a statute will use the term visibile or obvious. These have a connotation that the city must provide a sign that is clearly visible. A dilapidated and worn out sign is not sufficient for the purposes of the statute. If the signage is bad you may win.

General Defenses: Here are some general ways of getting out of a ticket. They are not sure winners.

Notice: Again, if the situation you parked in is such that you could not see the parking prohibition in place, then you may have a shot at winning. If there were trees blocking your view or the sign was too worn out to see or construction was going on and they took down the sign. You may have a shot at winning.
Emergency: This one rarely works, you have to show a true emergency such as, my goofy brother fell on a box of swords and was bleeding to death and I had to rush him to the ER. I saw a house on fire and stopped to rescue a baby. Those are emergencies. The ice cream in my groceries is melting will not suffice.
I wasn’t driving: This is a strange one and 50/50. If you can show your car was stolen, leased to a third party or you sold it then you are free. You must show you didn’t have control of the car at the date and time in question via a police report, contract or title transfer.
NEVER: Never say any of the following things: I didn’t know the law, It is not fair, I was on my way to move my car, I cant afford this ticket. None of these are defenses and hearing any of these excuses will be a sure sign that you are either bullshitting or just not worth helping. A 50/50 excuse, usually this wont work but may garner sympathy, “I have been doing this for years and I checked with the parking ticket officer and he said it was ok.” First, parking officers have no authority to grant you any immunity. Second, saying that you have been breaking the law for a long time does not make it ok to break the law on the occasion that you did. At the same time it may garner some sympathy though not a dismissal of the fine. If you can get a parking enforcement officer to write a note saying, “I gave him permission.” You might win, though I have never seen this scenario.

Preparing your Appeal: First, realize that unlike a criminal proceeding, you are not presumed innocent with regard to a parking citation. Instead, the issuance of a citation creates a presumption that you violated the law and the citation exists as evidence sufficient to maintain the fine against you. It is your duty to present better evidence which overcomes the presumption against you. Make a copy of everything and save a copy for your records.

First steps: First make sure that you file your appeal with in the appeals window. Some cities may be nice but most are not and will actually charge you a penalty for paying late. Often you will be required to pay the fine and then appeal. Some cities will take a check, which they will not cash while the appeal is pending.
What to write: When writing your appeal, make sure to be clear, logical and provide evidence(see next section). I recommend the following format:

Dear City Revenue Division.

On Date and Time, I was cited for violating X city statute, 22.2.44. The statutute states, “cite the statute.”

I am writing this letter in order to appeal this citation. I would like to request a hearing (by mail/in person). I believe this citation should be dismissed because specific reason it should be dismissed(lack of notice, emergency.)

I have enclosed photographs A-X which show the area in question. As you can see in photograph A, the sign was extremely faded and therefore I could not see the regulations printed on the sign. Additionally, Photograph B shows, blah. Photograh C shows, blah.

Based on the statute under which I was cited, this citation should be dismissed because…Make sure in this section you are very clear and polite in explaining why the citation is defective.

In conclusion, I believe this citation should be dismissed because based on the circumstance shown in the photographs and the requirements of the statute.

Thank you very much for your time.

Evidence: Obviously, you need to bring evidence, it should be clear and relevant. You should definitely submit photographs of the exact spot you were parked in. additionally, you should include photos of the relevant exonerating evidence. If it is a defective sign, get lots of pictures of the sign taken from a few angles. If it is an issue with the curb, make sure to get the curb in the photo. The lighting should be clear and one of the photos should be taken from far away so relative positions of things can be established. With that in mind, make sure to take the photographs in a manner which is beneficial to you. If you say you were parked 30ft from the fire hydrant, don’t take a photo with a ruler showing you were 15 ft away. Rather take a photo to make the 15ft look like 30.
Evidence II: When I was working as a judge, I liked when someone brought a map and placed marks on the map for all the relevant landmarks. Maps.yahoo.com has an excellent utility which lets you view a satellite view of an area and then print it out. Print out the map and then show on the map where everything is. Put an X where your Car is. Put an S for the sign or O for where a photos was taken.
Evidence III: If you have a witness, have them write a letter explaining their role in exonerating you. Its far more persuasive than saying, my friend said I am innocent. If you speak with the guy who gave you the ticket, get his badge number so you can find him later. Most parking tickets don’t require the parking officer to identify themselves.

The Hearing: After you send the letter, you may request an in person hearing. Hear are some hints to success.

Dress nice: No need for a suit or a tux but do leave your Scorpions/Winger Tour ’87 shirt at home. Throw on some khaki’s and a polo shirt at least so you don’t look ridiculous. Also, shower.
Be prepared: bring 2 copies of everything, even the stuff you mailed to the city. That way you can give a copy to them and save a copy for yourself. Also take a few minutes before you arrive and review everything so you know what you are going to be talking about.
Be succinct and deferential: You will probably be asked to tell your story, be polite and tell it in 3-5 minutes. Tell it well and when the hearing officer asks questions listen to his question and answer him clearly.
Questions: Many of the Hearing Officers will have read the record in advance and know exactly what they want to hear. When they ask you a question, they are trying to elicit a specific response. Make sure to answer the questions honestly but in your favor. If the officer asks you “how far was your car from the hydrant?” If it is obvious the car is 5 feet away, say 5 feet. If on the other hand, it looks like the car is 25-30ft and you know 30 ft is the standard, say 30 ft.

Afterwards: generally after the hearing it will be several weeks before you get a decision in the mail. If you lose your administrative hearing, you often are permitted to appeal to the courts. If you chose this route you may be charged an administrative fee from $15-$50. Be aware, it may be worthwhile to appeal a $250 ticket but a $35 ticket may not be worth the effort to save $10. I have no experience with handling tickets which have gone to the courts except that there is evidence that they are often either overturned or the city will make a deal with you and reduce the fine.
Parking Meters: Expired Meter violations often follow a special set of rules. If you are claiming a broken meter, you must submit proof of the meter being broken. Take a picture or video(camera phone) of you trying to feed the meter. It may cost you 25cents to demonstrate. When you submit a broken meter claim, the city will go check the meter often with in 2-3 weeks. If they go check the meter and it is broken, the citation will be administratively dismissed and you will get your money back. There is a common occurrence where a meter will be broken, and you get a citation. Then later that day, the person who empties the change from the meters and cleans out the meter. Sometimes this person will actually do something to fix the meter or just emptying it will clear a jam in the throat of the meter. The problem is, you just lost your proof. Claiming the meter fairy fixed the problem will not hold up. This is why you have to get a picture or video of the broken meter ASAP and not wait a week.

Cellular Research

2006-11-09T01:43:00.000-08:00

Everyone has cells. Lots of cells, in your bodies. Billions and billions of cells! To quote my friend the Condor, "It takes me longer to get drunk because I have more cells than you." Well my friends needs your cells. Well more specificaly they are looking for Battery Cells. If you got spare batteries, give them a hand as they try to build an electric car from donated batteries. And remeber this is like recycling so its good for the earth. The PincheCarrito

The Larry David in Me

2006-11-08T01:10:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who spent the last several months working in Stockton, Calif for the Richard Pombo campaign. An example of liking a person in spite of their political leanings. Today, Ohh Happy day, Mr. Pombo was voted out of office. Thankfully. He is one of the fatheaded asshats that defined greed and corruption in the Republican Congress. Already my friends have begun to say, "Its too bad that Pombo lost and poor Anne and she worked so hard." My response is fuck him and fuck her for helping him. He is a bad person and she deserves no sympathy for helping the twit.

For more reading check out: saynotopombo

One of my Great Fears

2006-11-07T17:23:00.000-08:00

I often write important e-mails to prospective employers, teachers, friends, and my parents. Many times these E-mails require that I attach a file: a resume, a discussion of extra-judicial arrests by police officers or perhaps a funny picture of a dog licking a little kid’s ice cream cone. As you may have guessed, from previous posts, there is also a fair amount of adult content on my computer. The private life files and the professional life files are not perfectly bifurcated. This often creates a situation where I am intending to send a file labeled, dnitka_coverletter.doc to a fortune 500 company. Unfortunately, listed immediately above this file in my list of files is dildo-rodeo.wmv and listed immediately below my cover letter is doublejointedwheelbarrowride.mov. Obviously, without careful mouse clicking skills, a prospective employer will be confronted with a video of a woman dressed as a cowboy ‘riding’ a huge angry lesbian. With my already grim job prospects, this would not be good. I am sure that it is only a matter of time before, in the course of drunk e-mailing; a major corporation is scandalized by my lecherous propensities.

The Convo of the weekend

2006-11-07T00:29:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I was hanging out with Indie Music God Dodds. He's one of the sorts that has heard every new band, knows band that dont even exist yet and any band you like prolly sucks because they sold out a long time ago. It was saturday night and IMGD suggested we still may have time to get the Microphones concert.

Several years ago, Parnell bought several Microphones CDs for a car ride that myself, Parnell and Milos were going on. It was 2 hours of bizarre sounds, discordance and no choruses to speak of. All in all, I rate it Sucky.

Upon hearing IMGD's suggestion of watching the Microphones perform their own brand of suckiness live, I proclaimed, "Good lord no. I listened to their albums, it sounded like 60 minutes of bizarre whale sounds."
IMGD quickly responded, "The album is called WHALE SOUNDS!"

While I appreciate that an album may carry a title like whale sounds, that does not mean that one be subjected to 60 minutes of actual whale sounds. By the way, the Microphones still suck and so do people who try to make you feel obligated to like goofy avant-garde music. I like my music with a catchy hook and a solid lick.

I beat the machine

2006-11-07T00:27:00.001-08:00

Links are up! I have bested the fiberoptics and bent this blog to my will. Disregard prior post about not being able to get this blog to do my bidding.

I bit my tongue

2006-11-06T00:37:00.000-08:00

I was at a party the other night and everyone had a few too many Gasoline Margharitas.

Gasoline Margharita:
1 pt Tequila
1 pt Everclear
2 pt Margharita Mix
Ice
They taste so good but destroy so well!

But I digress. Well the conversation got around to some rather racy topics and one girl started talking about how she and her roommate were looking at adult films on the internet and they found some Japanese Pornos and described some mildly filthy acts. For those who are unaware, Japanese Porn often features, rape scenes, multiple penetration, robots or tenticles, pissing and poop, eating of the previous and the use of props to further any of the above elements. There was a one-upsmanship conversation that ensued where each described the most horrible porn they had seen.

A quick aside, I involved myself in a sort of competition with my roommate in college, Rock-mir. Each of us would place on the other's PC a progressively more horrible video in an effort to gross out the other. There was no brinksmanship and we quickly scarred each others corneas with images which test the bounds of ones constitution. To this day we still like to send each other fun pieces of horribleness on the internet.

Back to the story at hand though, I decided to bite my tongue lest the room think less of me for having watched a MTF/FTM DP scat scene. I often wonder whether conversations like this are meant to test the moral fiber of the room or is there a genuine interest in discovering who is the most hardcore. I politely listened and realized that either: the room was holding back, most people maintain a pretty sanitized existence or I am just that depraved. Whatever the conclusion, I found a really good one for Roc-mir a few hours ago.

Bested Yet Again

2006-11-03T02:43:00.000-08:00

I will freely admit that my computer Kung-Fu is not the best, which is why I was a dot com bust before the bubble ever inflated. I know some tricks and if necessary I can figure things out. Really though at this point I just don't care enough to put in them to achieve technical perfection. I give it a few tries, then as long as the fiberoptics are doing a good enough job, I live with it. Such is the case with this blog. The primary purpose, is to blog and post. I was hoping to have some totally sweet links on the side and maybe a resume link over there.

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Perhaps a really witty tag line on the banner. Even GASP! some sections to this blog like a law school section and stories section and some links and cool stuff. In reality, it is all for naught because my code-monkey skill are so lacking that I can't get this thing to publish anything other than words in the main page. Ohh well, such is life. Everyone will have to deal with reading my brilliance dead center on this blog.

I am not the only NITKA!

2006-11-02T02:25:00.000-08:00

I always thought I had a fairly unique last name. Unique enough that I did not expect to encounter too many others Nitka's out there in the world. As it turns out, I was thwarted in an effort to have the NITKA! Blog. Some other person has taken nitka.blogspot.com, go figure. I decided to discover how truly unique my last name and I was a little bit remiss to learn that I am not all that unique after all. My last name is 35,598 out of 50,000 last names according to this site. Check out how not unique you are! Then I thought, well with all those Nitka's and I have only met about 12 of them, I wonder where they all live? I found this site, turns out the Nitka's are all hiding up in Wisconsin. Well cheers to all those Nitka's out there, and if you are a Nitka reading this say hello.

It Begins

2006-11-02T02:23:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to start a blog for sometime now. I just always lacked motivation. I finally ran out of internet porn so i decided this might fill the time. I have no purpose, or theme or great achievement. This is just a spot for my musings. Enjoy